August 18, 2015

The day I abused Haruna!

I called Haruna one boy like that! 

A friend had just read my raves racking post how to be happy, and we were discussing it. Meanwhile I was still in the “anointing” that had washed over me to write it and it was while mulling over a thousand connected thoughts and insights about myself, Haruna and the dynamic of our relationship, that I suddenly had a light bulb moment!

Only days before, a foolish thought had crept into my head to send me on a mission not of my own choosing. I wanted to tell Haruna I was not playing again. I was taking my toys and going home to my house. When I heard my own thoughts, I distanced myself from them. They weren’t mine- merely suggestions from the child in me throwing a tantrum to get attention, so I picked up the phone and reported her to Haruna instead of doing her bidding.

I had to accept that rather than throw a tantrum or throw our relationship into a few days of sulky responses and silent treatment, that the adult thing to do was to say, " hey, I’m here, this is what I need", and wait for him to respond. And beyond that I had to accept that I couldn’t force him to respond or decide what the response would be and I agreed that I wouldn't try either.
But without my favourite tools of choice- the tantrum, the pout and the sulk; I didn’t have control!

Not over him at least but definitely over myself and the thoughts in my head and that was in itself victory!
So yes I abused Haruna- that “one boy like that who won’t let me control him”!

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