Recently I read an article from the point of view of a young girl dating a sugar daddy more than twice her age. She knew he would not marry her but was happy to have him to herself for the five years he would be on contract in Nigeria. She counted the benefits like dining in fine restaurants, traveling to exotic places, living in a serviced apartment, owning a car and help with her father’s health bills.
She also counted the cost like the disapproving stares she got when she was seen with him but chalked it down to jealousy, an emotion she expected women to have towards her considering they were probably stuck with a man they slaved in the kitchen and the bedroom for while getting less than romantic treatment in return.
She had accepted the fact that it wasn’t love. It was “using what you have to get what you want”. “I love Rob in my own way”, she was quick to point out rationalizing the notion that her relationship was a business transaction.
I read her arguments with a 7 point narrative building up in my head, which went something like this:
1. You can get it for yourself
You can have your own money. You don’t want the day to come where you say “If only I had known I could survive and go on to be successful, I wouldn’t have made those compromises”.2. Time is a leveler
In time the people you feel are envious of the things you have will catch up with you. They will have the furnished apartment, the nice car, trips abroad, shopping sprees, the husband, job and kids, all self- made without the guilty feelings.3. We worry about you
We see the fun you are having now but wonder where it will end. We know the good side but what about the things you are silent about?4. It’s a detour, a distraction.
This lifestyle is littered with unplanned pregnancies, a bad reputation, verbal and emotional abuse, inordinate sexual appetites, STDs, HIV & AIDS, alcohol, drugs, rape and even death by the hand of ritualists disguised as willing sugar daddies! Bullets that should be dodged even if there is promised comfort. This life style robs you of the ability to take control of your own life and navigate your problems instead of taking the easy way out.5. All the traveling and exposure is overrated
You can travel to the most exotic places and still take your problems with you.6. You look like you have arrived before your time.
You aren’t wearing your things well, they are wearing you. The over compensating look of success does betray your lacking experience.7. It is sex not love
Manipulative, Non- committal, loveless love making. The kind of oneness that doesn’t become one. The type lacking in intimacy.
But after I had all my thoughts listed out, I realized I was leaving something out. So I wrote just one more thing down.
And it wasn’t for a faceless runs girl either, it was for that one girl stuck between a rock and a hard place, contemplating a way out of an understandably desperate human condition and under pressure to take a compromising offer.
Whether she is a "runs girl" or a mature single woman well above the expected age of marriage, a 25 year old naïve and misguided girl or 35 year old vengeful woman- whatever her age, class or circumstance - soon enough temptation comes knocking on every door.
Don’t face it alone. Get help!