February 13, 2012

Winning entry: THE MAN IN THE BACK SEAT 2



I threw a challenge to readers to rewrite a story I had written from the point of view of another character in it, if you missed it, see it here. I got interesting responses which I will feature today and Thursday but my winning entry was from Adebisi whose entry is featured today! Thank you to everyone who sent their entry! I hope you enjoy both points of view!


HER STORY

I walked ahead of the man who stood at the bus stop waiting for a taxi so I could stop one first. Bending down to adjust my shoe, I didn’t see a green coloured taxi approach. Before I could, the man stopped it and slid into the backseat. I let out a hiss as I watched them go. Suddenly the car stopped in its tracks and reversed to a stop in front of me.

"I am heading to Zone 6, can I drop you off somewhere?" the man in the backseat asked.

I got in.

"My name is Ikenna, what's yours?

“Susan". I lied.

"Do you live around here" he inquired.

"Why do you ask?" I demanded. 

“Er, I was just asking" he responded and then fell silent.

Fishing for a comb in my bag, I started to brush my hair briskly. I extended my arm too far and my elbow hit his face.

"Aw" he grimaced holding his face.

"Did I hit your eye?" I asked with concern.

He glared at me. I could see his left eye was beginning to water.

"No, you didn't".

I was sorry and I told him. We didn’t say much else till I got off at my stop.

Later I and my team went for a presentation in a company whose account I was vying for. We were ushered into the boardroom and told the key decision maker would join us soon.

Minutes later, the door opened to admit a tall frame. It was the man in the taxi, Ikenna.

I froze.



HIS STORY:

I watched her make her way to the bus stop in such a hurry. “Well”, I thought, “it’s rush hour and everyone is trying to make it somewhere in good time”. And then she stopped suddenly, bending over to fiddle with her shoes, just then I see a taxi coming along and flag it down…

“Hey driver, hold it. Go back to where that lady in the green dress is standing”.  She looked surprised to see the taxi come back, and then I ask if I could drop her off somewhere along my route.  We drove off and I look towards her 

“I am Ikenna, and you are?”

“Susan” she said.

“Do you live around here?” I asked.

“Why do you ask?” she replied. She must think I am interested in her.

“Just asking” I replied.

She brought out a hair brush and started brushing her hair.

“She must be trying to impress me now” I thought. 

And then a thud on my face from her over extended arm.

“Aw” I exclaim.

“Oh, did I hit your eye?” she asked.

“And what did she think she hit” I thought, “a statue”?

“No you didn’t” I said with a watery left eye.

She lowered her arm, stopped brushing and said “I am sorry”.

No need to respond, let’s just drop you off at your stop.

Its 11:55am, I am told the representatives of the marketing company are already waiting for me in the boardroom. I open the door to the boardroom to see two ladies seated, one has her head buried in some materials. I thought I had seen that green dress before, and then she looks up…it’s the lady from the taxi this morning.  

Susan! 


12 comments:

  1. heheheheh..nice one! i like it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow...it feels good to have put in the winning entry.
    You never get used used to winning you know :))

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nice one, lol. So what happened after that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey you know what? will be a good idea to tell more!lol!

      Delete
    2. I sure would like to hear more of it too...

      Delete
    3. I sure would love to hear more...

      Delete
  4. Nice..looking forward to more!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Quite interesting to read through you know and does feel like a novel as i do looooove novels,please ride on dear,thumbs up.

    ReplyDelete
  6. out of the curiosity of looking for the lady at the other seat i stumbled on this interesting piece of writing THE MAN IN THE BACK SEAT 2 though i am not patient at reading this piece kept me wanting more.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lol I love this! Can U continue pls. When I started didn't want to stop.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...