May 16, 2011


Girls have a special ability to form strong bonds with each other. From childhood when they have Best Friends Forever (BFFs) to their teens when they want to dress alike, girls are just wired to bond. These emotional ties are created by the free giving of self to self and sometimes the resulting sisterhoods can endure beyond the instances of the initial attraction, transcending childhood and womanhood into progeny. Then friendship has become a legacy.

But sometimes Best Friends Forever can become Worst Friends Ever. If by a cruel twist of fate they have a crush on the same boy in their teens or by the evil scheming of a horrid Grinch they turn against each other in adulthood, BFFs do break their girly oaths to be friends forever.

The reasons vary and often are unspoken but if we strain our ears we would hear little girls in grown up bodies, wordlessly saying to each other , “ I am breaking up with you, my best friend because...

...I am now a married woman”.

This is the most common reason one BFF about to tie the knot, will break up with the other. Somewhere in between the “Here comes the bride” and the placing of the sacred bands of gold on the honorary ring finger, your BFF will be hit, no knocked over by the realisation that her unmarried friends would be a bad influence on her married life. They would only make her lust for her late- night partying ways, her infrequent cooking and junk –eating habits and give her all this bad advice. At the very moment she contracts this paranoia, you may well be tip toeing around her wedding white being the perfect maid of honour but she has your evil plans all figured out.... so out you go!

And then there’s the “i earn a fatter pay check now” break up line.

Your childhood friend has landed a job with a fat salary and she’s making every effort to flaunt it in your face. She has upgraded herself into the “IT” girl with all the latest gadgets, designer bags, designer clothes, designer jewellery, designer vacations, designer hair, designer accent, and etcetera. Like the typical victim of new money, she’s too busy getting caught up in the material world to be human enough to relate if you’re broke or can’t pay the air fare for another friend’s wedding or can’t catch up with her commentaries on the latest gadget!

There’s also the irritating “I am more into my man and less into you” line.

This one is so cliché. Your BFF has found herself a new accessory. He has a baritone, a wall for a chest and makes her feel more woman than little girl! How can you compete with that? And it gets worse! Lover boy doesn’t get you or like you. Now BFF is beginning to sound like him and though she used to think you were hilariously funny, lately she stopped laughing at your jokes and even said once that you talk too much. Also, she has told him about the way you both used to make fun of him in the “toasting” days, murdering any chance of him getting to like you anyway!

And there’s the “I’ll never forgive you for doing it first” break up line.

This one happens to some sister who used to see her BFF as the baby, the junior or the late bloomer and suddenly has to face the horror of watching her friend take the first steps into womanhood ahead of her. The one who considers herself better, takes a blow to her ego and feels her superiority is put in question when her younger or less experienced friend takes the rite of passage into engagement, marriage, or employment before her.

Oooh and there’s the “i have moved on” line.

Erhm, this one happens when one girl feels all that frolicking and Best –Friends- For- Life stuff was childish. She’s a grown woman now and to settle any doubts you might have of her maturity, she rids herself of you- the childish, girlish friend of her childhood. She feels she’s outgrown you and like an unmatching colour with her outfit, the concept of BFFs don’t fit into her world.

Now this one really gets my blood boiling but it’s called the “when it’s your turn you’ll understand “line .

Happens when one friend gets to experience something you both have been curious about like getting married, sex or child birth. You’ll know it’s happening when your BFF, who is every bit your pair in an obnoxiously condescending way says something like “what has happened for me will happen for you one day” or “i can’t tell you, when it’s your turn, you will know”.

And i mustn’t forget the “you know too much” break up line where your BFF keeps you at arm’s -length because you witnessed the episodes of dissipation of her youth and now she wants to put her past and everyone from it behind her.

We can go on and on citing the things that drive the wedge between best friends. Actually, all the reasons why “we aren’t that close anymore” will fit in.But some BFFs will make it to the finish line and weave that rich tapestry of friendship into their emerging family lines. It is these rare few who will truly know the rewarding joy of friendship.

To all my BFFs, met and unmet...I HAVE A DREAM... that one day our children will be BFFs too! And yes our lives will take different turns and we will do different things but hopefully our friendships would make it through. Like Cece Winans said, i hope we ’d always be sisters and we’d always be friends. The kind who forgiving each other and letting love cover, stay real close till the very end.


  1. I really hope i make it to the finish line with my BFFs. The most common reasons for breakup seem to be cause of guys. It's stupid


  2. Sad but true Adiya and speaking about finish lines not everyone in race gets to it, some fall away, some stop and some change course but there's always one person or two who get to the end.

  3. I think we go through different stages and at each stage we are often detached from our BFF's because of perspective like you rightly pointed out.

    But I have come to realize that not all BFF's go through all the stages of life with us. A few time-tested ones do. I am fortunate to have such because we believe in and value each other.

    Sometimes we are also separated by geographical factors and it's hard to keep up when your schedules and challenges are so different.

    But really at the end of it all, we're not rivals but sisters and friends and we all need each other.

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  5. @Maid of Heart: Hi and welcome to my blog! what you said? All true , especially the part of needing each other. People are important and friends who get you, like you and support you and vice versa make life more meaningful.

  6. nike hi, nice post. The break up lines don't make any sense because if one really wants to remain BFFs with someone no matter what trouble she comes across the friendship should overcome. so most times those lines are just excuses used by people just bcos maybe they are tired of the friendship or are not benefiting from it or have seen something better. true friendship should weather the storm.

  7. I laughed in parts while reading this, you made a lot of sense, especially in the parts about you got there first or the boyfriend who doesn't like you. But like Histiara said, not all friends are meant to be forever.

    BTW, I notice you do not have a follow gadget?

  8. Found your blog through Histiara! I enjoyed this one post, and I know I'll be back.
    It's funny you say that about friendships cos I was also reading something about friends being there for a reason and when their season is up, the relationship moves on!

    I have tried in the past to hold onto relationships believing I had to do so, because they were my 'friends'. Now I know, if they are meant to be a part of my life, they will be there! Always!

    Great post!

  9. @ Omotayo: Hi, welcome to my blog! Yes, true friendship should weather the storm. I personally believe in strong and lasting friendships and i have an expectation that long after i am old and grey, i will still have some of the meaningful friendships in my life which i have today. Thanks for reading, hope to see back here sometime soon!

  10. @Myne:YAY!!!!!! very excited that the famed writer and blogger ;Myne was here. Glad you had a read you could relate and laugh with. And true, not all friends are meant or made to last for a lifetime, some are there for a season and others for a reason and breaking up in friendships isn't always treason. lol!

  11. @ Globe trotting exec: Great comment and thanks for coming! What you said should be turned in a quote and attributed to you,like so:

    "I have tried in the past to hold onto relationships believing I had to do so, because they were my 'friends'. Now I know, if they are meant to be a part of my life, they will be there!" - Globe Trotting Exec

    Well said!


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