CONFESSIONS OF A BONDAHOLIC!
If girl- bonding were an art, i think i have perfected it! One of my girlfriends is counting down to her happily-ever-after, and she's been spending the precious remaining threads of her singlehood weaving stronger bonds with the girls and me! In between becoming experts on all things bridal and going over details and more details, we have found time for sisterly chats with the bride to be! Oh! don't worry about what that means, it's just girl -talk for saying we've been shameless busybodies!
I mean whether she is 40 or 22, the announcement of a girl's engagement always meets with a flurry of female, hair-flying, scream- squealing, hand- flapping, totally emotional displays! After the excitement settles, the blushing culprit, who is not just the fiancee and not yet a bride,is put through a gauntlet of questions; ranging from;
"when did you know he was the one?" to " are you scared?".
Then comes the admiration phase. This is when somewhere in the third degree session, this bride-to be suddenly grows from "the girl" of yester- years into a "confident woman" before your very eyes; as if her decision to take this leap of faith, has somehow baptised her into full womanhood. She begins to look like she knows something you, the single woman somehow do not see and that that singular thing makes her superior- makes her sure...set...ready!
"she's no longer on our level o!"
Then there's the last phase, where all your emotions first settle into deep respect for your friend, the conspiracy called love and the marriage instituition,before they finally sediment into a quiet, concealed assurance that if it can happen for one, then it can happen for the other!
oh, I just love happy endings!
Ok, so i wrote this one about 6 months ago and couldn't think of a better time to share than now, so to all my Nigerian brothers and all the women who love them, this one's for you!
BOBO OR BOO?
If he can pass for a local on the outside but is an “onyibo” on the inside, you can be certain you have an intercontinental Nigerian guy a.k.a boo! You can tell because he doesnt wear “ankara” but always looks spiffy in crisp shirts from next or gap. He probably calls you “baby” and uses intangible pet names like “snugglebunny” to describe you. And yes, he doesnt always get your innuedos and you dont hear everything he says the first time, but when he says “i love you” , you know his is the voice you want to hear first thing when you wake up and last thing before you fall asleep! He knows how to pamper and spoil you and probably gives you flowers, chocolates, perfumes, and designer clothes from his trips abroad. He is quite the gentleman and probably pulls out your chair and opens the door for you. He doesn’t mind that you’re career driven and is quick to support you whether you want to be a doctor or an artist. When he tells you sweet nothings, you blush and giggle because even though you know it’s absolute rubbish, it makes perfect sense!
And if he says “i rove you” when he means “i love you”, then you know you have a naija guy with a local flavour, a.k.a bobo! You may fault his phonetics but there’s plenty to like about this son of the soil. With the right steel in his chest and the perfect pout on his lips, you can’t deny you secretly like his swagger and that almost brash way he talks in naija slang. He probably says stuff like “no long thing” and calls you pet names like “o baby”, “sweetim”or “Nne”, mother because yours reminds him of his mother’s love. He probably takes you to eat “nkwobe” and “isi ewu” and knows where to find the best point and kill joints where you can eat fresh fish. And even though he is not from your home town, he has won your family over and whenever he comes to visit, your siblings know that “big bros” is around. He understands the igbo word- “maintenance moni” and doesnt wait for you to ask but just takes care of it. He buys your recharge cards and doesn’t expect you to spend all of it on him and yes, he’s even man enough to tell you when he’s broke!
Regardless of the tonal inflections of his tribal language on the english language or the cultural imprint of his environment on his behaviour, naija man na naija man! So ladies lets make a toast, shall we, to the Nigerian man.
Naija man wey sabi!