November 14, 2008


What’s up people? What’s cracking?! Sometimes i consider one of my girlfriends from way back my own version of Gayle King, Oprah Winfrey’s best friend. Lets call her GF. Now GF was going through my first post and when she read that i bet 7inches of my hair on Harris’s soon- to- be- published book, she looked at me with a quzzical look and said:

“Nike, your hair is not 7inches long! “

Now hold up people! My hair has got potential! It can go from 2 – 7 inches in the span of a week , just depends on which i’m buying! LOL! Matter of fact, it can also go from blonde to jet black too! Now i know people are going to say hair extensions are artificial but if i’m buying it, it’s mine. Right? So i beg to reiterate that i will gladly “ sacrifice ” 7inches of my darling Yake or Expression for Harris’s book! Period! Sewn oh? Grown oh?’s still mine! CAN I GET A WITNESS?!!!

I’m sitting on my legs folded beneath me, wondering which one of the experiences i’ve had this week to share. I have gone over the file tagged “my recent documents” in my mind’s memory and hastily decided to delete my last three thoughts on what to write. Boring! But hey, there’s this one that stands out. It was a very engaging conversation! If you’re not a MSW( Maturing Single Woman) just stay with me, there’s something in this for you too!

Like i said it was an engaging subject! My friend was saying that everyone should usually have an idea of the type of person they want to be with. The question was: who is the ideal man? Now before you think of the three cardinal virtues of the M&B hero (TD&H – Tall, Dark and Handsome) or a well- fed wallet and its generous owner, pause to ponder on a piece of writing i stumbled on from a loving father to his young daughter about to be married:

You are to feel for him all that reverence includes: To respect, defer to ,revere him- to honour, esteem, appreciate , prize , and in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to , deeply love and enjoy your husband.”

Reading that, i had issues with some of the words like “reverence” and “revere". So i checked them out in the dictionary. The word “Reverence" for instance means to regard somebody with deep respect. My thoughts first settled (rather narrow- mindedly as i latter discovered) on why i would want to REVERE, DEFER TO, ESTEEM, REGARD WITH REVERENCE(??!!) some dude just like me! Then i quickly realised that the answer was in asking myself that very question! Eureka! My discovery was simple ladies and gentlemen; Whatever reasons would make you feel respect, reverence or regard for someone, that dude should exhibit! That was my light bulb moment!
So i went over all the words with the intensity of a magnifying glass:
· REVERENCE/RESPECT/ REGARD :The ideal guy should behave in such a way and do such things that command respect, things both impressive in themselves and in the manner with which they are done.
· DEFER TO: To defer to someone means to out of respect or courtesy (not fear or role play) submit to the judgement, opinion or wishes of another person.The ideal guy should be someone who has good judgement, whose wishes are for peace and welfare ,whose opinions are both wise and reasonable.
· APPRECIATE. I liked this one cos all i could dream of were the thoughtful and the simple gifts or the big and expensive! I’d sing “thank you ” on a pitching falsetto to the altar!( Ok Nike get serious!) Erhm! What i mean is the ideal guy will do things that will inspire feelings of appreciation.

Going over all the words one after the other, i started to ask myself with growing excitement: why wouldn’t i want to revere, defer to, respect, regard with reverence, praise, prize, venerate, notice, esteem, prefer and in the human sense, adore somebody who behaved himself in a manner that attracted respect, admiration, praise, attention, honour and so on?

So i ask you: who is the ideal guy? My dearest MSWs you have thirty minutes. DON’T log out. DON’T sign off. Think about those romantic verbs and exciting nouns and realise the qualities you are looking out for. Don’t forget to leave a comment. Good luck on this exercise.
And for all the MWLUs( Men Who Love Us), i know you have been reading with interest waiting to have your say, please make your comments too. I can’t ignore the fact that even on the best effort and the best behaivour of an ideal man as we have described him , a woman may not have all these feelings or show these virtues. But if you’re working at being the ideal man, it’s a good guide line. Imagine all the ladies who will willingly give up their front teeth in a cat fight over you if you were always doing things worthy of their respect or admiration!

Well i hope you’ve had just as much fun reading and commenting , as i have had staying up late writing. It’s 2am.My legs are stretched out in front of me now. (Yawn).Time to sleep...La er guys!

Shades of Meaning: Venerate: look up to , idolize, admire , adore. Revere: Be in awe of, hold in the highest regard. Regard: Look upon, consider, relate to, connect with, concern, involve, favour. Defer to: yield to, give way to, comply, agree to. Reverence: take your hat off to,pay tribute to.


  1. Ahem! There they go again, always trying to describe the ideal Man.Ideal? the last time i checked, that word was synonymous with perfect. Tall, dark n Handsome is not perfect (its the male representation of a bimbo), so don't excuse yourselves if finally you all know M&B is a piece of literature, a little more intent on brain washing you. Its the oldest trick employed in sales. Lure,captivate,sell some more.

    The Connotation, "my better half" is rather simple in this matter. What women should be looking out for is a half that compliments them. one plus one = one. get it? its simple! but not so simple since women have a problem with making choices.

    Omonaikee all through your little Exposé, wasn't it just "ideal" to lay emphasis on all that he should do and need do? Its convenient to be appreciated, to be loved, to be this, to be that.. whats the woman supposed to be doing all this while? smiling huh! yeah, sure. I'm guessing the only reason why we: Men are on earth is for Women.

    Be realistic y'all. There is just men. ideal is good, but don't raise the bars so far up. this is no sport: pole vault, not the Olympics either, and the chances that any girl be marrying her father is slim anyway..

    "why i would want to REVERE, DEFER TO, ESTEEM, REGARD WITH REVERENCE(??!!) some dude just like me!" this Quote reps a whole lotta girls out there

  2. Hi sammy. thanks for writing in.we have a lot to be and to do as well to match up to all these big "ideals" we expect from the guys too, so it's not one -sided.Besides you can enlighten our "miseducation" and tell us what you guys want too! how about that?

  3. YEAH! Guys re greedy by nature interms of girls,they want them all 2 themselves it takes extradiscipline.
    Girls never let there mind/heart decide,they love to follow the crowd.
    Its very simple, we all complicate it;the ideal man/woman is a friend and nothin else.Truly, cos eventually its friendship dat keeps it goin not money or,love (it always fades away).

  4. Ferguson, you are so right!the ideal guy or girl is your friend.then every other thing follows.thank u for sharing.

  5. I read a book..."created to be his help meet"(don't remember the author's name). I think every woman (and man) should read it, it explains everything! Keep up the good work Nikus:-)I totally agree with your views...and your's too sammie(except "ideal" does not necessarily mean "perfect")

  6. hey gurl.thanks for writing your thoughts.Yours is a sweet spirit.i would look out for this book "created to be a help meet" but would you like to do a review for our benefit,with lessons learned and your thoughts on the content, it'll be a delight to have you guest blog on it,if you'll do us the honours!
    let me know on

  7. Is there an ideal man in the general sense. I don't think so. Just like each woman is different, men are also. But to each personality there is an ideal.

    What you have said makes perfect sense so I fully agree. I think my man is IT. (Sorry God already took 'I AM'). I totally love him and it is because of what he has shown me of his personality over time.

    He teaches me what he wants by first doing it himself. He is not afraid to serve me because it is out of love. Truly Jesus knew what he was doing in washing feet.
    Every time my man does something for me (not buys, does),something inside me melts and fuses us closer together.
    So yeah your post is spot on and i wholly agree. It is who they are that inspire us to love, revere, respect, idolize and be plain kuku over them. lol!!

    ps: Virtual handshake back (wink wink)

  8. Hey Unbaised.Thanks for the holler back!(hugs)LOL.its very profound, what you said: to each personality there is an ideal! so true!That means we each have to know who we are inside then we can see who fits "our ideal".That singular aspect of knowing who you are narrows the list to who can be your ideal. Plus Kudos to your man and all the MWLUs (Men Who Love Us)who keep our hearts warm with little acts of love.Double super COOL!


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